Self-Control with Technology

At a recent staff meeting, we had a mini-lesson on Mindfulness from veteran teacher Ms. Heidi Clarke.  Ms. Clarke uses mindfulness techniques on a daily basis with her 6th graders and has noted a reduction in the number of discipline issues and an increase in the amount of time on task.

A few days after the meeting, Heidi shared a video with us called Why Aren't We Teaching You Mindfulness.  The video is 14 minutes long.  It is totally worth your time.

Please view it and then come back and finish reading this post.

In the video, AnneMarie Rossi mentions that the most important factor in future success is self-control.  She talks about the fact that the ability to focus on one thing at a time is a skill and it takes practice.  Being able to focus doesn't happen automagically.  

Another really interesting thing Ms. Rossi said was:

"Mindfulness is the space between our emotions 

and our reactions 

so that we can think first."

From a technology perspective, this made me think of email flames.  You know what I mean, it's those snarky, sarcastic emails we fire off because we are angry.  Mindfulness would be waiting 24 hours before responding to an email.  Often times, it's a misunderstanding that is now worse because of the angry response.  The 24 hour waiting period would give us that time we need to think.

Here are some strategies:

1.  Craft your email but choose to leave it as a draft.  This allows you to vent and get it out of your system.  Then wait 24 hours, read it again and see if it really needs to be sent.

2.  Wait 24 hours and then speak to the person face to face the next day.  If you can't face the person to say what you want to say, then it probably shouldn't be said.  

3.  Filter!  Not everything you think in your head has to actually be said out loud.

4.  Set up an undo send on your email.  In Gmail, you can undo the send for up to 30 seconds.  This isn't much time to think but it's the best Gmail offers at the present time.

Something else I thought of were some chrome extension that you can put on your computer to assist you in staying focused on the task at hand.  Richard Byrne wrote this excellent post on staying focused.  He recommends StayFocused and ReCall Study Time as options.  Both of these chrome extensions allow the user to set up some restrictions on browsing social media or other websites for a specific amount of time with the idea that the person would focus on completing a task while the websites chosen by the user are blocked.  What I like about this is that the user is the one who chooses to set up the blocking.  This is an important step in learning self-control.

Apple came out with something called Screen Time in iOS 12.  This allows parents to set up screen time limits for themselves and their children on iPods, iPhones and iPads.  Link here to learn how to set this up on your iPhone.  Sometimes children need help with self-control by having the restrictions set by parents.

Technology isn't the issue.  The issue is our inability to control our use of technology.  It's important to recognize that self-control around technology use is going to take lots of practice.  As a parent, you have to be the leader.  This means you have to be a role model and control your own use of technology.  It also means that you have to help set boundaries or family rules and then enforce these rules.  This is not going to make you very popular, but parenting isn't a popularity contest.  

When I was growing up, my mom had a rule that was called:  "9 to 9 and never on Sunday."  This rule was related to the use of the telephone.  Full disclosure, this was back when the phones were 

rotary phones and were not cordless.

If the phone rang after 9 PM, I would be in a panic in my bedroom hoping the call was not for me.  My mom would not give me the easy way out.  If the call was for me, I would have to take the phone and tell the person on the other end that I was not allowed to talk on the phone after 9 PM.  This resulted in some awkward moments the next day in school.  I was in high school for goodness sake.  I was frustrated back in the day, but I have come to cherish that memory of learning self-control.  My mom did not waver in her conviction that families should have quiet time in the evenings and quality time together on Sundays.

This rule stuck with me for over 40 years and when my own phone rings after 9 PM, it makes me sad that people haven't learned to respect this quiet time that everyone should have.  Since I have caller ID, I simply don't answer.