Parent Survival Guide to Middle School

Parent Survival Guide to Middle School

They say the middle school years are the hardest for kids.  I would add that those are the hardest for parenting as well.  Children are transitioning from child to adolescent, which can feel scary, overwhelming, exhilarating, and mortifying – sometimes all at once …. And again, I would say that aptly describes some of the feelings of parenting an adolescent.  Things that you were able to rely on, to count on to get the family through rough spots, may not work so well anymore.  You need to change up your game, and the rules can feel completely counterintuitive. 

Parents of incoming 6^th grade students often feel the need to hold their child a little closer to protect them from middle school fears, and to carefully control and monitor their child’s social and academic transition.  When middle schoolers make mistakes, make a bad decision, or earn a less-than-stellar grade, parents will often feel the need to jump in to ensure the mistake will never be repeated.  And when a middle schooler starts to withdraw from family members to spend time alone in their room, or chatting with friends, it’s not unusual for parents to worry that there is something wrong with their child.  Fear and worry abound and the response is – protect, control, and MICROMANAGE!!  

But here is where the rules are different at this stage of the developmental game.  We need to be thinking along the lines of, how do we help this kid gain a sense of control of her life? How can we help her find her own inner drive? A low sense of control is incredibly stressful for anyone, adolescents most definitely included.  This is the time when they are working towards figuring out who they are and what they want in this life, which necessitates a certain amount of independence and autonomy.  It also means they need to feel that we trust them to figure it out … which, if we’re being honest, may not be the case all the time.  But please, trust that we need to trust! 

Believe me, kids want to keep up with their schoolwork – they feel that pressure even if they aren’t showing it.  And if they’re falling behind, nagging them will likely drive them to resist doing it even more.  The trick is to give them enough freedom and respect to let them figure it out in their own way.  Remember, our job is not to solve our children’s problems, it is to help them learn to run their own lives.  I’m not saying give your child free rein, rather I’m suggesting that we enforce limits, while being sure the child perceives a sense of control. 

To do this we should try to reframe our parenting role to focus on guiding, supporting, teaching, helping, and setting limits, while communicating with them that their lives are their own. Try to:

- keep the lines of communication open, and find special ways to connect with your child.

-maintain important routines that bring the family together, e.g. family dinners with no screens.

- find opportunities to give your child reasonable choices (voice and choice are the buzzwords).

-allow your child to make decisions, but help him make informed decisions. Give him the information and perspective that you have, in order to enable him to make the best possible choice (properly informed, kids usually do make good decisions for themselves).

-do yourself a favor, and delete that Power School App from your phone, and only check Power School with your child.  Your anxiety will thank you … or I should say will miss you. J

-adjust your approach to the nightly homework question. Instead of asking, “Do you have homework tonight?” try, “Is there anything you’d like help with tonight? “Do you have a plan?” “Have you got it?” 

I fully understand this is not necessarily easy to do, but this approach will truly help your child become a more confident and resilient person.  And middle school is the perfect place for your child to stumble, make mistakes, and figure it out.  The adults here expect that and are here to help kids learn from failure!  A lesson learned from failure is a solid lesson, indeed.

A caveat:  If a child is depressed or suicidal, thinking is impaired and we cannot work from the assumption that she wants her life to work out.  This is a circumstance when we need to make decisions for kids because they are unable to make reasonable decisions about themselves.

Some resources I’ve found helpful through this challenging phase …

Podcast:  “Mom and Dad Are Fighting: Slate’s Parenting Podcast” – I love this one.  This weekly podcast has three hosts, that between them have children from age 3 to 18.  Each episode begins with the hosts sharing their parenting triumphs and fails for that week, then goes on to address a listener question, and wraps up with Recommendations – anything from books, movies, games, apps, tv shows, etc that the hosts have found to be exceptional.  It’s funny and be forewarned … *contains explicit language, for the irreverent side of us.

Podcast: “Launching Your Daughter” – This podcast was created to support parents/caregivers in empowering their tween and teen girls as they prepare for young adulthood.  This is a new one for me, and I only listened to the episode where the host interviewed Lynn Lyons about anxiety.  Even though I do not have daughters, I plan on listening further to this podcast!

Book:  The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives by William Stixrud, PhD and Ned Johnson.  The title really explains it well. Highly recommended reading for you parents of middle schoolers.

Interview:  Laura Knoy, host of NHPR’s The Exchange, interviews Ned Johnson, one of the authors of the above book.   Click here to stream this interview

Book:  The Five Love Languages of Teenagers by Gary Chapman.  I have recommended this book to parents more times than I can count.  I came across it when I was feeling like my 14 year old son was drifting further and further from me, and I wanted find a bridge that would help me connect with him so that we could re-establish an open line of communication.  It was exactly what we needed, and 3 ½ years later I still use what I learned from that book.

*** If you have resources that you’ve found to be helpful in guiding your parenting, PLEASE SHARE, right here in the comments section.  And please let me know how it’s going.  J

For the Love of Reading!

This year at KRMS, we are making a concerted effort to foster a love of reading in our students. A cohort of teachers read Donalyn Miller’s The Book Whisperer over the summer and we are modeling our initiatives after many of Miller’s own classroom practices and recommendations.

Research shows that student choice in what they read and devoted time to independent reading increases student achievement. Moreover, students who are given time to read independently in school are more engaged and motivated to read.

Each of the ELA teachers are building independent reading into their classroom routines and core curriculum. In the sixth grade, students are using their independent reading texts as a mindful activity to prepare them to engage in class. Seventh graders are reading self-selected books for the first 10 minutes of class each day. The eighth grade is devoting every Friday to independent reading with what they are calling “Free Read Friday.”

At each grade level, reading is being celebrated and shared. The eighth grade is pioneering a “Book Ambassador” activity in which two or three students from each ELA class travel to the opposite cluster to share the book they are reading. Students were reluctant at first, but now clamor for the opportunity to be the week’s Book Ambassador.

Independent reading is also being incorporated into our intervention block (RTI). Students who are not in need of interventions during their scheduled RTI time are able to read a book of their choice. Teachers are also using this time to read and model good reading habits. I have been making “reading rounds” and am enjoying reading alongside students and hearing about their books. My book list is growing based on all of the students’ recommendations!

I hope that students are showing the same enthusiasm for reading at home as they are in school! Asking your student about the book they are reading is a great way to spark conversation at the dinner table, on the way home from sporting events or a musical rehearsal, or during the morning commute. 

Keep reading!

Ice Cream All Day!

I thought I would write a introduction of myself, for any newcomers to our blog.  I am the Nurse at KRMS.  My husband and I, with our three very active children, enjoy all sorts of activities.  You will mostly find us on the sidelines of a soccer or volleyball game, or on the ski slopes. 

Being a school nurse is like being a mom, only to 430 Middle Schoolers!  I am fortunate to have Jen Cahill, my Assistant, helping me.  

It can get rather busy in our office!

- minor bumps and bruises

-concussions

-chronic medical conditions

-the never fun urgent situations.  

Throw in all the other things we need to do to promote health in the school setting, sets us up for a very busy school year!

Recently I was interviewed regarding pubic health.  One question really stuck with me….’what do you think is the most prevalent issue you see in your office on a daily basis’.   Jen and I talked about this, and we see more stress and anxiety lately.  Kids are under so much pressure, whether its school, home, friends, sports, etc....  Kids have more responsibility than what I remember as a child.  What happened to playing outside with friends, creating fun without pressure to be a certain way, or perform to a certain standard.

I am fortunate this year to have an advisory.  Eleven, 8^th grade students meet with me and Mr. Paterson every day.  We share, we laugh, we engage in conversation about school work, responsibilities at home and at school, how to be respectful and resilient.  One of my goals as an adult at KRMS, is to lead by example.  Show these wonderful children, that we all have our faults, we all struggle through things, we are not alone.  We all have things we don’t like about ourselves, or our lives, but finding ways to celebrate is the key!  That we all have varying degrees of stress and anxiety in our lives,  we can’t always control that, but we can control our reaction to the stress and anxiety we face. 

Hearing Lynn Lyons, clinical social worker and psychotherapist, speak at a conference put things into perspective for me.  

Looking at Lynn Lyons Website as a resource, has been very helpful.

I try to share with kids, that I hate to get out of bed sometimes.  That I want to be in my PJs and binge watch TV.  That I too, want to be a gazillionaire, with no need to work, and just shop all day.  Maybe eating Ben and Jerry’s ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner would be fun too!  Showing kids that we can have fun things in life, and the not so fun things, still occur, but how we handle them is the key.  Working hard, getting up that ladder to success, what ever that ladder might be, can give a wonderful sense of accomplishment, of achievement that we own for ourselves.  

  Showing by example that we are all human beings, and we are not alone. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my introduction.  For the future, please respond with ideas of topics you would like more information about.  Maybe we can shed some light on a topic for you.

Best,

Ms. Amy

The CRAAP Test

Information literacy is an essential skill for all humans living in this century.  While the term literacy means to be able to read and write, when a word is added in front of the word literacy, it generally is referring to competence or knowledge in a specific area.  In this case, then, I am referring to competence or knowledge in being able to process and evaluate information.

Thanks to our good friends at Google, most of the world's information is now available and searchable online.  But, information seekers beware because the Internet has a Web 2.0 functionality.  This means that just about anyone can post just about anything in just about any location they want.  This is user-generated content at its best and sometimes worst.  What's a 21st-century information seeker to do?  Enter the CRAAP test.

The CRAAP test isn't new.  It's just a new acronym that middle school students love to say because let's face it, bathroom talk can never be overdone in these middle school years.  I mean no disrespect.  It's just something that makes the kids laugh so we run with it.  Basically, you have most likely already used the skills of this test when you process and evaluate information.  This process of qualifying information has been taught in many ways.

• It has been taught as the 5 Ws of searching.  Check out this page on Kathy Schrock's website.  
• The Newseum, which 8th graders visit on the Washington, DC trip also has a section on this called E.S.C.A.P.E. Junk News.  Check it out here.  
• And, then there's the CRAAP test.  Check it out here.

Basically, all of these approaches ask information seekers to consider a number of things when reading and processing information online.  

Current:  Is this information current?  With the rate of technological advances, information found online can already be out of date.  Have you watched a video on how to do fix your cell phone, for example, only to find out that the video is showing an older operating system and none of that information is current enough for your purposes?

Relevant:  Is this information relevant to your topic or task?  Are you trying to find out information on the Pyramid of Giza for research purposes only to find out that the website is trying to get you to visit as a tourist?

Authority:  Who wrote or published this content?  Is it a credible source or person to speak on this topic?  My blog post on my personal battle with a specific type of cancer might be a great authority for my situation but should it be used as the authority for your cancer?  What is the bias?  Who is the intended audience?  What is the URL?  Is it .com, .edu, .gov, .net and how might that matter in terms of authority?

Accuracy:  Is this information correct and truthful?  Is it backed up with research or other sources that substantiate the statements being made?

Purpose:  Is this information trying to sell you something?  Is it fact or propaganda?  Is it fact or opinion?  Why is this information here?

If your child is talking about the CRAAP test done on the current 7 Wonders of the World Project in 7th grade, know that your child is learning about Information Literacy.

Information Literacy is an ongoing process, not a single event.  It takes time and a consistent approach by all teachers so students don't get mixed information on how to properly evaluate information.  This is part of my role as the technology integrator for the middle school.  I work hard to make sure the message to students is clear and consistent. 

Beyond the school learning activities, being able to evaluate information found online will help all humans get the best car deal, find an apartment that is actually for rent, enjoy a vacation from a company that truly exists and vote for the candidate that shares similar values.